It's been two months since the year started, and I've had a lot of thoughts sitting in my head that I finally wanted to write down.
I'm not a "new year, new me" person. Never was. That whole January energy never really made sense to me. But somehow I was still waiting. Not for January. Just for the right moment. The right mood. When things were less busy. When I felt more ready. When everything felt aligned enough to finally begin.
And that waiting? It went on longer than I expected.
I think planning became my way of feeling productive without actually doing anything. Making lists, thinking about how it would go, imagining the whole process — all of that felt good for a moment. Like progress. But then the actual doing part showed up. And it was messy. Uncomfortable. Nothing like what I imagined. So I waited again. And somehow there was always another reason to wait — another day, another mood, another excuse that felt reasonable at the time.
This year I just got tired of that honestly.
Instead of waiting, I started following whatever felt even slightly interesting in that moment. Not because I had a plan. Not because the timing was perfect. just because something pulled my attention for a second — and i followed it.
I didn’t really have a goal. the path felt uncertain, and i wasn’t planning where any of it would lead. i was just trying things and seeing what happened.
I might think something is perfect for me. I plan it, I imagine myself in it — but once I start, I realiseed I don't even like it. I lose interest. And then you feel guilty for quitting.
Yet, it’s all part of the process. It’s about figuring things out, testing what works, and exploring different paths. Progress isn’t always visible, and that’s okay. The important part is learning and experimenting, not having a neat, linear story.
Leaving something doesn't always mean failure — sometimes it's just clarity.
And sometimes while trying one thing, I stumbled into something unexpected — something I wasn’t even looking for, but it felt a little more like mine.
" You don't really discover those things by waiting. You only find them by moving. "
The consistency pressure used to get to me too. If I missed a few days, I'd spiral and feel like I ruined everything. But lately I've realised — if something genuinely belongs in your life, you come back to it. Not because you force yourself. Just because it keeps pulling you back. And if it doesn't pull you back, maybe it was never really yours to begin with. I think that's okay.
I'm slowly starting to accept that maybe figuring life out just looks like experimenting. Trying things, dropping some, and sometimes finding something that actually sticks. Maybe that's just how you figure out what's yours.
" Try anything. I mean it — try everything that pulls you even for a second. "